A way into what

Hes home

2011-08-30T02:05:00.001-07:00

My amazing boyfriend came home sunday night and it was just amazing seeing his face :P

He was such a tired bunny till it was bed time then he woke up :P HEE HEE

Just enjoyed the day with his family yesterday and going for drinkies with tabs :)

Then Fell a sleep at lik 10pm watching a film...

I love having my man home :P

Emz out x x

Well....

2011-07-22T04:27:00.000-07:00

What can i say life has changed dramatically in the last 7 months. I have finally got my life back on track, i dating the most incrediable man, that makes me smile even when hes in thailand. Mr Robert Gilford :)

I havent had the easiest few months, but no i am finally on track :) got the best boyfriend ever, got a job that pays the bills and gives me a giggle and will be moving to a different home on tuesday.. So that should all be exciting :P

I started to lern to scuba dive, what a hobbie.. :)

Any way

Emz out x x

sometimes

2010-12-22T20:35:00.000-08:00

Sometimes things happen in ways you really didn't expect, that does not mean there bad.

Like getting dumped by the first man you ever say I Love You to. And finding this crushes you inside. And having to realize what ever you do he ain't coming back.

But then to get told by a guy you only saw as a work mate that he likes you, not only is this flattering but it means you see light at the end of the tunnel and this means you can use all that love you have inside of you for some one that really deserves it. The difference is, are you going to be to scared to go for it, Or are you going to go for it and let him heal you and care bout you.

I wanna go for it... he makes my world so much happier, he turns my sad down face into a happy smiley one again, doesn't mean its going to easy. Its going to be a long road but its worth it for just a cm of a happy smile.

It also doesn't mean you don''t love that boy you said i love you to, your always going to care about him. He was a big part of you growing stronger as a person. But you can't always wait around for a man that ain't right.

Some once told me.. for every relationship you try and fails is just pushing you further towards the right person.

I really care bout Gav and hopefully soon we will be on the same page :P I wanna make him smile all the time.. :P

But gotta sit it out and be patient, not going to drag him into something he aint ready for... Its all about TIME in this world. And if something is great, its worth waiting for cause it will still be great how ever long you gotta wait for it. :)

Emz out.. x

I never

2010-12-08T18:50:00.000-08:00

I never thought in a million years that one person could change my life so much, i always dreamt as a kid that i would meet the man of my dreams youngish and marry him and have my babies with him. And deep down in my heart i think its mark. That's one reason why this whole situation is hurting me so much. Because i am now slightly questioning what is going on in his head. and i am starting to question whether he ever cared about me...

I know i need to give him space to get is head sorted.. but that's whats killing me not having him to talk to or confide in.

There's been so many things going through my head in the last 5 days and it all leads down to what a horrid person i must be. to be letting mark deal with this all by him self. I feel like i can do anything when i have him.. i feel like there is no challenge i cant face.. but with out him, everything is eating me alive.

What can i do, to get the man of my dreams back.. this is the man that makes me feel whole. Do i just sit here and let it all fall apart or do i fight for him. Make him understand how much i care bout him and how he doesn't have to do this all alone.

Please could some one help me..

Emz Out x

IF

2010-12-06T17:24:00.000-08:00

If one more person asks if am i OK i am going to scream, No i am bloody not ok...

My heart had literally been shattered into one hundred million pieces, i have lost the thing that matter most to me in the world. and i cant cope with out him.

Why THE FUCK did he have to end something that was going so well i don't understand, not one little bit... why i had to be pushed away.

All i ever wanted was for him to love me...

i am hurting like i have never hurt before in my life....

Emz out X

WHY!!!!

2010-12-04T21:02:00.001-08:00

I am so annoyed i start to do well for myself and it all goes down the drain, FML

I am so stressed my mind might pop... just wants needs some one to make it all ok ...

Emz out x

Some times

2010-11-27T13:03:00.000-08:00

Sometimes things happen that you just don't expect.. But they could be a good thing. Like for example meeting my boyfriend. Is the best thing that has ever happened to me..
I have never loved some one like i love him. He makes the world smile to me... He hugs me when i need a hug.. he kisses me to put smiles on my face.. and he's there when i just need some one to talk to.
But for this very reason i am so scared that i am going to get hurt. I know if something goes wrong my heart will be truly broken, maybe even unrepairable. And i am not sure i can go through with that, but you gotta take risks sometimes don't you. You got to think positive and carry on. There's no way you can go through life thinking that your not going to get hurt. But you cant afford relationships so that you don't get hurt.

Hes literally made me the happiest girl in the entire world and i hope that i feel like this for a long time to come.. i will always look after him.. till he don't want me any more.. Because hes so worth it at the end of the day.

I am not sure what else to say. Mum and dad are coming to visit next week which should be dead nice. And maybe even my brother.. I have got my shift of lashings.. and trying at tesco to but not sure whether i can.

Life is so busy now i work to jobs. with tesco and lashings. and it annoys me as everyone keeps telling me to quit one. but then how the hell do i pay my bills and rent.. it wont be do able..

Just got to get on with life i guess.. i meet markus's parents on monday i am nerves not going to lie. were going to london for the day then going to dinner with them.. i am doing my best to not get stressed out with life but it can get hard. when you feel tired all the time. and all you want to do is go away from it all for a little while. give your self a break from every day life.

I cant wait for markus to move down i hate being away from him. this is not cool at all.. i just wanna hug him to sleep and feel so safe... but that can only happen a few times a week.

I do LOVE HIM...

Emz out x x

Since I last wrote

2010-10-28T18:17:00.000-07:00

So much has happened since i last wrote.

I have met the most amazing guy in the entire planet :) i literally feel like the happiest girl in the world.

Got two jobs and getting on so well with my friends.

I am keeping this simple, things are going well and i am really happy ..

Emz is out x

I am thinking

2010-09-28T09:08:00.000-07:00

I am thinking i should go back to St Johns..

So i need to find this place..

Violet Astor House
41 Church Street
Maidstone
ME14 1EL

I have been at uni for like a week now.. and i still dont feel like this is going to be a good year for teaching.. But we will have to wait and see wont we.

I have a German teacher on Thursdays, Her English isn't to good and she talks jargon. Which does annoy me very much. But just got to put up with it .. Lameness

I really need to get back to the gym, cause my weight loss has slowed down so much and i dont like it.. i wanna be at target for my birthday.. the latest :)

So i was thinking what should i do for my 21st, wanna do something big.. because its me.. and thats what i do.. think another hall and a big rave up :)

Any thoughts ??

Any way Emz out

Thought it was time to update

2010-09-11T15:20:00.000-07:00

I cant believe its taken me almost a month to write another blog ..

In the last Month I have met a lovely lad called Jamie.. Who always puts a smile on my face..

Got to know rob much more.. :)

Move back to Maidstone, into my new house.. Which is lovely.. but back to being a very boring person .. like seriously its not fair.. why cant i like my own company..

Jamie is coming up on monday which should be very good fun as i dont start uni for over a week.

I miss my sarah more every day .. :( and havent seen coxxie in so long

I found out i am now offcially a second year :) yey to passing the essay :)

Struggled the last few weeks on the weight lose thing but will get back on track as quick as i can. :)

Emz out

Today is a day in history

2010-08-14T16:28:00.000-07:00

So I haven't written on here in almost two month's which for me is a very long time..

Hmm what's happened in that time, well I have met a very lovely guy, who literally make's me smile from the sun up, To the sun down :)

I had two job's, which one I got layed off due to a lack of money and the other one I quit due to stupidity.

Go back to uni in two week's, excited and sad. Leaving my Bournemouth friend's is alway's hard but getting used to it..

Not to much else on my mind to say..

So Emz out

x

Is in it funny

2010-06-27T17:51:00.000-07:00

Is in it funny how you expect every day to be the same routine. How you get your self in to routines. Where you wake up and do the same thing every day. To the point you know that its stupid how many times you feel you have done one job. Or every morning looking in the mirror and seeing something you really don't like back.. but having no idea how to change it so you like it, so you just feel it's easier to dislike your self.

To wonder what it would of been like to see the world in a different way or to of made a different choice that you don't realise would effect your life so much. And to think what it would be like if you didn't choose to do that .

I wonder ever day what life would be like if I looked different or acted different, would I have different friends or a different relationship with my family. What does it feel like to have your chooses taken away from you like being put in prison.

I have been a very negative person the last few weeks and that's cause I cant seem to get out my head that I am not good enough for today's society. But today I realised, I am good enough. And if I look in the mirror in the morning and don't like something, What stops me changing it. Whether its something small like the way you have put your hair Or bigger things like the weight you currently aside to be.

Lets face it there's always going to be things we want to change in walks of life. But if there wasn't we would lose the drive to make our self's better as the human race.

Lets face it, if the worst happened and I died tomorrow, I would be ok with that cause my family and friends have given me a wonderful life. And if I was to know when people thought of me they would think of happy memory's. I could go being so so happy. ''What doesn't kill you only makes you a stronger person'' and that's an awesome way of looking at every adventure's you take.

So I am going to try and look at the world for it's good things, the happy thing's. Not the things that make us sad or make us cry. Because there always going to be there. But Its how you deal with it. That shows what kind of person you are. And I want people to think of me as a good person. A person worth remembering.

Every day is worth living and enjoying.

So as I say, just keep smiling.

Emz Out x

What next..

2010-06-13T17:11:00.000-07:00

I have to start writing this essay .. I think its super stressful but its got to be done if I want to go back for a second yeah.

I wonder if any one else but Antony look at this.. I miss MAX ... even thought he cant be a giant pain in my arse haha..

Its weird to think that next year theres going to be a different bunch of students living in those rooms ... not knowing at all the havoc we have caused hahah... Ant do you think that chris fixxed the hole haha

I am hoping for a goof lose on wednesday or i am going to be a little bit gutted really i am..

Not much else to say got two interviews on tuesday, fingers crossed i do ok...

Emz out..

xx

.....Well....

2010-06-10T19:56:00.000-07:00

Girl

Tammi Lea Ridout

Alice May Ridout

Mya Chole Ridout

Boys

Ollie Jayden Ridout

Malakia Leon Ridout

Damien Aiden Ridout

Emz out

x

Baby names

2010-06-10T19:47:00.000-07:00

Boys-
Leon, Alfie, Noah, Ethan, Dylan, Damien, Finley, Ollie, Nate, Jaiden, caleb, Chase, Wyatt, Malakia, Tyler

Girls
Madison, Ava, Peyton, Jasmine, Mya, Chloe, Paige, Tia, Ellie, Faith, Faye , Falon, Tammi, Yasmin, Halie, Halli, Jaimie, Brooke, Lana, Lea, Sydney, Mia, Fraya, Kyra, Megan

Girl -
Peyton Hailie Ridout

Boy-
Ethan Nate Ridout

These are my ideas so far ..

Emz out

x

Well

2010-06-10T17:32:00.000-07:00

What can I say its been an interesting past two months since I wrote on here well. Well what a surprise.. Me and Matt didn't work out. But I am kinda getting over it.

I really wanted to stay friends but now I am kinda wondering why because he really was not a nice guy to me..

I have been trying to get a job.. no luck yet, but I am really trying and going to keep trying..

Not going to write to much ....

Emz out ...

x

pics

2010-05-31T10:29:00.000-07:00

People tell me what you think about my images.. and how I can improve them. awesome..

Hey

2010-05-31T10:16:00.000-07:00

I haven't been on here in ages, and realised that every one sticks there work on here rather than talking about there life's.. so I am going to try and figure how to put a picture in..

Relating..

2010-04-22T11:38:00.000-07:00

OK if I am trying to relate this to my last blog then.. Johnny has not spoken to me in two weeks.. I am mad at him... But it don't matter any more its over.. and I am going to move on to something better and more promising..

OK so I am like any one I want to find some on to make me happy, to make me smile on a hard day and to rejoice in my job on a great day,.. But as they say that will come when it comes..

I have 5 weeks left at uni till I go home for summer.. I am panicking bout my lack of work and my lack of motivation.. and also that we don't have any were to live next year.. I always thought this would be so easy.,. it really is not.. :( But take it as it comes.. right this weekends agenda.. get the Bloody essay done.. and out the way .. and then move on to test shots for this project..

I have met some awesome people down here so glad I came... But I was really hoping I could go back to Bournemouth, little bit gutted..

I got a new tattoo yesterday .. it looks awesome.. I would post it but have no idea how to do it..

Ok got to go and pretend to do something useful.. chat later..

Emz out xxx

Reasoning

2010-04-12T07:55:00.000-07:00

Every day I fight my emotions, the tears, the joy, the smiles and sadness. Today I am so very sad, johnny has not spoken to me in 5 days.. I don't know what I have done.. but it makes me so sad that he does not want to talk to me. On reason because dad just keeps saying I am incapable of keeping a working relationship for more than five minutes. I hate the fact dad is always right..

I do really like johnny so I hope he talks to me and I really honestly hope he's OK.. I messaged his friend craig...johnny is probably going to kill me, or never talk to me again but as long as I know he's
OK.

I have no idea what to say .. I just miss feeling loved.. xx

Momental

2010-03-30T11:18:00.000-07:00

I know I don't write on here much but I write on here when I need to..

OK so I have a boyfriend who I have been with for all of five minutes. I really care about him but no sure he is what I want because I am scared of falling for some one who's going to hurt me. All I have ever felt from men is pain.. I allow myself to care bout some one and they just manage to screw it up..

I know that only ant reads this, but writing this makes me feel like I am getting things off my chest.. I used to keep a diary I wrote every day and it helped me understand a lot of things. personally for me writing things down clears it up for me.

I have been talking to this guy tom for a while, he helps me understand things I cant understand alone. HE would make some girl very lucky he's a lovely lad, little insane and seems to like digging at Bournemouth for some reason but he's a good guy.. I am lucky to call him my friend,
I have never met him but he makes me feel like I have, we have little Skype dates.. Its nice to have some one to talk to.

Johnny well he's such a attractive and kind lad, but he's pulled away a little recently. We used to text every minute of our awake period but no I am lucky if its a few times a day.. Makes me a little sad must admit.. We have so much in common.. when he first text me I was so surprised he wanted to talk to me. A good looking lad wanting to a chubby, unattractive girl.. and the first date was amazing like out of a film.. He made me feel so special, I have never felt that special. It was nice. I hope we work out.. I do really like him..

Emz out xx

So..

2010-03-23T18:18:00.000-07:00

I always seem to jump the gun and write things I feel at the time.. these are not always the right things..

Like yesterday I was so hurt that I didn't go on my date with johnny but I jumped the gun and he had a reasonable excuse for not turning up.. I think its strange how we have only been text for about a week and I besotted by him.. I would hate for him to know this now because he probably thing I was stark bonkers, which I might be a little.. But that's my general personality.

I always thought that personality's were something that was set in stone from a young age, but until I really thought about it today, We changed so much over time..If you go to My old guides and my old job ( which I miss so much) I realise, I have mellowed so much. Which I personally would not say was a good thing as I really enjoyed being a mad, insane always happy and smiling person.. who has to spend half her shift at work on making people laugh.. I cant help it, loved the attention I was given.

Were as now can be the happiest person in the world at one point and then 10minutes later I am so extremely sad.. I don't enjoy the highs and lows thing .. I like to stay in the middle. Well rambling on and need to get back to texting my very handsome friend.. as its a continuous thing and I love it..

Well

Emz out xx

dear you

2010-03-22T10:12:00.000-07:00

Dear my blog,
Today is not a good day for my emotions... I am so gutted and hurt.. Was meant to be going a lovely date with what seemed to be a lovely guy.. But he stitched me. I made so much effort. Woke up early so i could make my self look pretty and nice.. then go to uni.. which was another thing that fucked me off..

I made him 2 presents.. I ironed my clothes the night before I was so so excited and now I am just so hurt.. I don't understand why I always put myself through this or even bother... its not fair.

Do I really deserve disappointment after disappointment... this is not fair..

What is fair? what does it mean... ? I don't get why I have to go through this feeling so much.. its not something i want or need at the moment ..

All I want right now is a hug from my mum, these moments make me miss having my mum around....

Emz out xx

Sorry!!

2010-03-13T09:22:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in ages.. I guess I have just been distracted with elective hand in and stuff.

Had an eventful week.. Was ill all of last week at home.. which was annoying barley went out.. Also the brakes on my car broke so had to get them all replaced.. Which just pre longed my trip home.. which meant I missed the briefing..:(

Got really bored yesterday so decided to go road trippin with ant and dave it was so funny, we drove to Hastings.. Got there after having to drive a long A road in the dark and it was nothing special.. It was still a funny adventure...

Right need to get a job..

Emz out xx

IS

2010-02-27T09:36:00.001-08:00

I am so so annoyed that some one has been saying thing that are untrue, which has been up setting my family grrrrr...

Emz out x

Now I am !!

2010-02-25T10:49:00.000-08:00

OK, so now I am actually 20, it makes me wanna cry a little. Because every year I get older means things have to change. This year I am losing one of my very best friends to a man.. do you know how depressing it is to know a man gets to have the company of my best friend and all of use get to see her once a month if were lucky. ( so fucked off).

Though I did have the best birthday weekend ever.. :) Friday night, I managed to get apsolutly wasted, cant believe I was as drunk as I was.. I did many things I don't remember, that's good and bad things... I realised what a pain in the arse drunk I can be...

Saturday night after driving home prob a few over the limit which is something I would not normally do if I was not wanting to get home so bad,I hugged my parents and saw my friends had a stunning dress on.. Raved it up with Marc, matt, paula, will and jml. Got very drunk and had an argument over making tea..

The next day I felt like I had died so many times over, I saw Tammy, melody and Kevin... and then back to bed,.. then got dragged to nan's lol ... so hungover.. and then a meal with the girls which just ended up with us all depressed. ( literally losing the one you car about hurts so much).

I came back to Maidstone Monday.. as Bournemouth is no fun, when every one as work.. must admit..

And just been resting and making my very irritating website for the last 3 days.. which I have to hand in tomorrow. Can't wait to get it out the way I really cant.

Ok off to talk to handsome men...

Emz out xx

Only 2 days.. !!

2010-02-18T10:14:00.000-08:00

I cant believe that its two days till My 20Th birthday that's insane ... I am excited and frightened.. The last 20 years of my life have literally flown by... I am so so excited about partying but I am worried that it will be rubbish and people will hate it :( Just wanna have a good birthday is that to much to ask for :(

Hoping my cars ok after the other days incident... hee hee ... Dont tell dad.... haha... Cant believe i almost killed us all grrr, shouldnt drive like a dosh bag..

Got a strobe light for the party and giant straws oh the epicness..

Trying to learn guitar at the moment but failing insanly..

~Not much to say today.. Alcohol run to asda later.. x

Emz out x

11 days till a new year for me.!!

2010-02-08T23:00:00.000-08:00

I can sit here and write about my day or my week but who is that interesting to you or me... Might just do it any way.

Its currently 6.45am on the 9th February, I have done a fair bit since I last wrote.. I have done my first week of electives and yes hated every minute.. Can I tell you why .. well all I know is I thought I would love it but I aint..

Friday night I want out.. first time since I have been at uni that we have gone out on a weekend. Was a right giggle. We went to Rbar and did sucides.. or gas chambers depending on who you are telling. Then moved to MUMUs but you had to be over 21 for entry and as none of us were it was pointless. So then off to Beluga bar.. first time most of us had been and it was a laugh.. few fights and moody people but part from that a laugh..

Saturday I want out with Ben to the pub for lunch and a few drinks, it was nice to have some good company to talk to .. To hear new things and to explain my life to a new person and hope it interests them.. I came back to halls in a brilliant mood and just chatted with people online for a while. And then had sarah telling me they were gunna come down that night.. I was so excited it was insane.. They got to me bout 10pm... got ready and went to town.. We danced our little hearts out with very drunk friends, I went along with the silly dancing..

Sunday was cool we woke up late was about 1pm when we all finally arose. Sarah continually said she wanted a fry up so.. Coxy drove us to hempsted valley were we went to Sainsburys and had mega brunches they were massive and awesome.. then back to halls to watch the rugby. They left at like 6 ish to get back at a good hour.. And I went to Ians for a roast dinner it was really nice to eat well.. we talked a lot and watched tv.. I left his at 2 am and went home to bed :)

Monday I was feeling insanly unwell and literally spent the whole day in bed.. ben was going to come over and entertain me.. but had to cancel.. so slept some more .. then went to corner shop and watched tv with the flat mates.. I just spent the evening watching a film .. its got to about 1 am and decided to go to asda for food shopping.. To be greeted to the very drunk group of boys.. Its funny because antonio, put chris mattress outside.. were chris would happily sleep.. so went to asda and chris was not outside so assumed he'd been put back into his room.. and then just watched programs..

Do I change who I am ?? Will it make things better ??

Emz out xx

Today

2010-02-03T18:07:00.000-08:00

This entry is not so much on what I have done but on what I feel. I have been thinking today about something John said to me, He said that you should never think What If or regret anything. And you can say things happen for a reason and they might or might not. I don't think we are ever going to know if they do..

But you have to realise that life is short and we do have to live every day as it comes .. so ok might not be thrilling every day but the great days would not be great if every day was as big.. I want to remember the big days and look back in smiles and laughter.. I want to be thankful for I have got and not dwell on what I don't have or what could of been.

I want know to that people care about me like I care about them :) my family and my friends. I am not a tool to be used in which way people think I am.. but its taken me along time to realise that I am a free spirit that has my own opinions and thoughts..

Thank you for every thing.. xx

Emz out

Day of the Sunday..

2010-01-31T08:58:00.000-08:00

Ok, so might of got a little lazy on here as I write every now and again.. SO I guess that's how it will be, just write when I feel I have something to say

I am back at halls now, which actually depresses me more than anything.. cause I actually hate this place. ( why because there's never anything to do)

Spent yesterday, sleeping and watching films.. also went to asda some were in between that all.

When i left Bournemouth I cried so much, cause I just didn't want to leave, I had a amazing time with some of the best people I know .. I cant wait to go back in to weeks.. and the the weekend after is me bday so that's major exciting :)

Tomorrow, we get our next timetable.. which should be really exciting :) i got my elective which is web design. :)

I am sat in my pjs writing this, really wanna get food but tht means shower first grrr sharing with boys,,

Emz out..

Day Whatever!!

2010-01-27T16:40:00.000-08:00

I haven't written on here in almost a week, thats shocking.

Sunday was mums birthday so was up at 7.30 to decorate the house and make the sheet thingy.. then took her coffee and showed her , the lovely decs. they got ready and dropped them at the airport .. few tears from mummy set lauren off it was a little sad.. ant came over at like 4 and was just messing about.. Then matt came over in the evening ... and late night shopping..

Monday was great because i met Jml for lunch, we went to the mary shelly.. then showed ant round town, bumping in to bloody bofa on our travels man that man drives me mad.. its just something about him.. makes me want him just that little bit.. then JML came back to mine to gone the large amount of people over.

Been a busy week had mums 50th and house sitting with lauren.. Had monday with the hole rabble i.e Cox, nix, sophie, sarah, matt and the Lauren's friends ryan, lucy and alvin. Was actually a really good night, had such a laugh having no parents and all my friends over..

Tuesday had my hair done was well lush, And dropped ant off in bournemouth and went to castlepoint to get some grub from sainsbury's.. yey with the old work friends.. miss my job and colleges so much .. :(

Then went for a drink with cousin mark to give a thanks for the epic speakers he put in my car. And then matt and paula came over for drinkies and chats..

Wednesday was a small lay in, then off for an contact lense appointment at asda. Which i miss by 4 mins and had to wait like 30 mins for another appointment.. then he put the contacts in. But having make up on irritated my eyes and was really annoying.. then visit matt on his break for like 5 mins.. then off to tammys were i ended up babysitting yey.. was fun. Then got home and had lovely matt ringing me for help.. I had to pick him up take him home.. so he could get his keys, take him back to the car. Were eddy put it on the back of the lorry.. (grr dont like him) then dropped matt home but he gave me £10 of fuel and a mcdonalds for my troubles whoop.. Then matt came over..

Day before the mothers birthday

2010-01-23T12:41:00.000-08:00

Today i feel has been a long day, I went to sleep at 3.30am as i have been talking to john all morning.. Then an early morning with mum as i was up at 8 am to go shopping, I hate being abused by the auntie at that very early hour of 9am..

I was at castlepoint from 8am till 10.30 am, then i went home for a few hours, played wii and showered and then went back to castle point, to firstly find things for mum's birthday but also to redress lauren with a new outfit. It was so stressfull as shes a pain to dress.. Spend matts break with him :) and saw tanya giving out argos catolouges .. hee hee. hours later we left..

Went home and just played with out clothes and things.. then went for a birthday meal with my family, at the harvester in ilford. I had gammon steak with a egg.. whoop. Now off to the pub with my family ..

Emz out ... x

Day what ever it maybe

2010-01-22T10:55:00.000-08:00

Do you know something.. I think I am going to go with my gut a lot more than I do. Cause my gut told me the relationship between John and his ex was way to close for them not to get back together in some sorts..

Woke up reasonably early for me today, bout 10ish probably earlier.. and just sat watching tv for a while.. then foned marc and he invited me over.. so went over. Had a massive talk and catch up. and kindly of him he fitted two new speakers in the back of my car.. They are actually the coolest things ever.. makes me happy listening to them, it was good to catch up with him and his family ..

Tbc ...

Day nueve+some

2010-01-21T15:18:00.000-08:00

Ok so i haven't written on here for a good few days, it has been a very hard few days.. I handed in my work .. not with out stress the night before.. Was ment to go back to bournemouth tuesday but could not be arsed, so went home wednesday evening. I got back at 8.20 ish.. then was just so tired i literally fell asleep on my laptop. might be another night like that.

Today i woke up early for me and then watch tv for a while.. then i went to castlepoint for lunch and then we tryed to get to to ikea, but the car broke down on the sper road.. :( so back at matthers. then asda... dinner and lauren laings,

Fair early night in.at i was in before 11..

Sat on the sofa whooo..

Emz out x

Day nueve

2010-01-17T05:25:00.000-08:00

Today has started as a long day, i went to sleep about 8 am today and was up again at 11, so that i can crack on with the coursework..

Today i decided that i am not over john and that i cant put another person through my issues, so ended every thing with dave.

I am hard on the coursework as we speak..

To be continued ...

Day ocho

2010-01-17T05:22:00.000-08:00

Today was yet another day that has annoyed me, cause dave, kept me up all night grrr. SO when he left i fell asleep and over slept. So it ment i had wasted 6 hours of course work time :(.

SO been hard all my work since 4 pm.. I havent really left the room.. and at 7.40 my mate mike came over to what he said was to help me with my coursework, but he was more of a distraction.. Talking and messing about on facebook.

He stayed till the early hours and then i drove him home, so i thought i would go and have a cigerette with john and a cup of tea. I did find it hard cause i am not over him at all. I gave him a hug when i left and just missed being like that with him.. But guess you cant choose..

Emz out..

Day cinco

2010-01-14T07:04:00.000-08:00

Ok, so this post is a day late which is frustrating as i was trying to write it every day. But thats because my beloved laptop decided it would break on me, two days before major hand in. So thank you laptop.

Another night spent having an intense amount of talking with dave, slightly feel like he's a councillor, but also a great listener and a good friend. We have grown a lot closer today and i feel like he's such a nice lad.

I was ment to have a meeting at uni at 12pm, about the study aboard thing. But i decided it was more important to go to bluewater and try and sort out the laptop. So Dave, Ant, monique, mike and myself went to blue water. We stayed for like 3 hours and drove back. Then ant, dave and myself went into maidstone town centre for a spot of shopping.

Then to an evening laying on my bed and falling asleep on Dave (sorry), i then made him and me dinner which was curry. I didn't like it cause it was to hot. But Dave seemed to like it so made him happy and this was the first time we had seen him eat. what a revelation.

Then did attempt to watch a film with Ant and dave but 3 different films all caused me to fall asleep. So cut t short and went to bed.. though couldn't sleep :(

Emz out x

Day Cuatro

2010-01-12T15:59:00.000-08:00

Was very bored this morning and started looking on my lovely POF and was talking to a nice gentlemen called Dave. And found that he lived in the house near me. So met him for a cigarette and started talking and didn't stop all night.

Therefore going to uni, very tired but just making me not care at all what adam was going on about. I skipped my second lesson as i haven't done the work needed for the tutorial. So walked home in the freezing cold :(

Came back and had a nice long sleep, which made me very happy.. Woke up and Dave came over. Me, chris, Ant and dave were making a dinosaur made out of little bits of wood things.. And watched a program about a man who can stop hiccuping.

Now off to watch a movie..

Emz out ..

Day Tres

2010-01-11T12:42:00.000-08:00

Today has been the earliest, i have got up in a while. As it was the first day back to Uni. Got up at 11 to sort out some money transactions :) and go get a few bits. I was accompanied by a lonely tanya. Then off to uni to enquire about what should be handed in on monday the day of recognition. So more cracking on the coursework is needed.

Then utter boredom drove me to asda chatham, or that might of been my literal driving. :) i got a lot of things i probably didn't really needed, just wanted. And then back home to halls. Were was unable to get out the car for a bit as i had harvey and dan throwing snow at the car. GRRR..

Then an hour of continous boring news... which actually sent me to sleep on the table, not good. Just sat in bed writing not such an exciting blog but meh.. ! yes Gaz meh !!!

Emz out..

Day Dos

2010-01-10T09:02:00.000-08:00

Today has been a very odd day ... I was drinking a bit last night( well actually early hours this morning) And thought it would be a brilliant idea to go and make a snow man. So of we trek me and ant up the hill.. And made it into some park .. where we were playing in the swing made for a baby ( had no snow on it). Then oh the suggestion of making a snow man came from the one and only me.. But ant wouldn't pick up the snow cause it was to cold so he was kicking/ rolling a ball of snow around on the floor.. Though it was big enough to use as a head . Mission accomplished.

So decided when coming back to halls to carry on drinking cause i find it so hard to go to sleep apart from when drunk. ( I call it assisted sleeping ) Was talking to Mike on MSN and David by text. Was a little frustrated by the things that men just don't stop talking about..

Went to bed and literally haven't slept so well in a long time, it was so nice. Literally stayed there till about an hour ago so 4pm and now up and getting sorted.. to start on the bout of coursework that must be done.

Emz out..

Addition to Day Uno

2010-01-09T21:09:00.000-08:00

I have actually realized after drinking a few drinks that i really don't like the males sex.. My biggest wish in the world was and is to meet a good guy... A man that does not evolve around the bloody sex thing... grrr i am beginning to hate this, i must shag any women i talk to thing...

Emz out...

Day Uno

2010-01-09T12:20:00.000-08:00

Ok so typically i would have a diary where i would write very private things that go on for me.. But with all the snow the shops keep closing early.. Meaning i haven't got one yet.. So i thought i would take a crack at doing this blogging thing..

A lot can be said about the last few days, good and bad. My boyfriend broke it off last month and i found it hard to understand his actual reason. I took it really badly and could not figurer out why this was. But then i realized i had not been living in Maidstone very long after i met him, so he became my best friend as well as my man. I can say that last year was defiantly not my year for guys, thought many might agree. Today would be my Ex's birthday and i do feel a little sad i can't share the important day with him. He's cut me from all contact to him , for what reason i am unaware of. I do wake up wondering what it would be like if things were different.

I have been using this dating site for a few months as i though it would be nice to get to know people before you meet them.. And have been talking to this lovely guy Mike. But because of this bloody snow, means our meeting has been delayed. Yes a little frustrating as i was really looking forward to the company. Seems like a really nice lad.

Today was an early rise for me, late for the rest of the world. I thought Mike was coming over and wanted to get up and make my self look presentable. But today was also when two of my house mates came back, from the christmas break. It was nice to have another two people to talk to as the snow has caused us to have to stay in and get very very bored. Though today i decided i was going to go on a long hike, not only due to boredom but because i would love to lose weight.

With this being a new year means things need to change about myself and the way i look at my self and life..

The rest of the lovely evening it going to be spent doing coursework.. I can't think of anything i would rather be doing, can you?

Emz out...